Harry Potter and the Struggle Against Darkness
by Wink At J00
Summary: Harry undergoes many ocasions were Volemort and the Death Eathers start to make him fade. Harry becomes oblivious to the simple life and takes on more than he can stand. But who can help now... (angst, drama, mysterious and a pinch of romance maybe in fut
1. Default Chapter

Please be gentle on the reveiws, though I will take flames as long as they give me some advice on what I need to improve! Alright, Harry Potter 5th year!  
***Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  
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Harry Potter and the Struggle Against Darkness  
  
Chapter One: Visit From the Figgs  
  
Harry Potter sat on his bed silent. His expresion was blank and he didn't do anything but just stare forward into emptiness. All the pain. It hurt so much. All the guilt, closing him in. There was too much to bear and cope with. Anguish made him want to die. Already he felt dead inside.   
  
It was summer, he barely did anything unless he was ordered to by the Dursleys. He moped around, expressionless on his face, but crying out for help or a resolution inside. Fifteen years of toture poured on him like lead. He never cried, his pain was beyond that. Voldemort. Just thinking of him caused Harry imensive pain.  
Voldemort was the cause for all the pain. His parents gone- murdered by Voldemort. His scar burning- given by Voldemort. Countless injuries- all from Voldemort and his servants. Harry becoming famous but hating it- because of Voldemort. Fights he had with his friends- had because he was famous. Everything was caused because of Voldemort! Cedric's death, living with the Dursleys, putting his friends in danger, his Godfather on the hideout, everything was affected by Voldemort and cause so much hurt to Harry!  
  
Sometimes Harry considered running away to find Voldemort and fight him to either the death of one another. If Voldemort died then everyone would be happy and free once again. If he would die then his friends and Sirus wouldn't have to worry about Harry all the time. If the both died then it'd be blissful for everyone but Voldemort. Harry would 'sleep in peace' with his parents and Cedric and everyone else whom was affected by Voldemort, people would be free and happy again, and Voldemort would finally get what he diserved. But Harry knew he probably wouldn't be able to stand against Voldemort.  
  
Harry felt so guilty for everything. Guitly for Cedric's death to the pain he caused the Dursleys by just living with them. He wanted so badly to curl into a ball and fade away. Or just to be care free, to ride his Firebolt and make a free trip to anywhere he felt like being. Not to worry about Voldemort or Sirus. But just not worring about Sirus made Harry feel guilty for having put him into so much trouble of hidding out. He and Voldemort were only two people. How could they have made this big of a difference to the world.  
  
"Die Voldemort, just kill yourself." Harry muttered in a monotone voice.  
  
Harry heard a thump coming from outside his bedroom door. He got up, went to the door, opened it just to reveal fat Duddly eavesdropping on Harry and had fallen backwards when Harry said those 'cruel' words.  
  
"Yes?" Harry said looking at Duddly blankly.  
"Er..." Duddly's voice was shaking, "M-mom wants you to do chores." Looking at Harry again Duddly added confidently, "you look really pitiful. Check yourself out in the miror sometime in your life!"   
Harry grunted, annyoid made his remark back, "and you need to lose a few pounds. I can look anyway I want, it's summer. Why should it matter to you anyway? Besides it's my latest trend, 'look the way you feel, like crap because you're stuck in this house'. Isn't it great!" Harry said sarcastically, waving his hands around his face to show his features.   
Duddly stood there giving Harry a nasty stare. Harry ignored Duddly and make his was bown stairs back in his guilty mood. That's when it happened. Just as he was stepping down, the pain happened so quickly building up. Like a knife digging deeper and deeper, right into his scar. Like boiling water just wouldn't cool down. And the pain wouldn't stop. It grew and grew.. Like Voldemorts laughing never to seize to stop in Harry's mind. Harry's vision blurred and he fell down the stairs, clutching his scar. The pain, god, it just wouldn't stop! Harry's screaming pulled attention to the Dursleys and they came into the blurry vision of what Harry could see. The pain was still growing, which made Harry beleive by now he was bleeding to death. wasn't he? His screams were verry loud but wouldn't drown out the Dursleys' own yells.  
"What the hell is this nonsence?!" Mr. Dursley yelled.  
"Vernon, he's going to let the neighboors hear him! Shut up you stupid boy!"  
And amazingly, Harry did stop yelling, the pain fadded away slowly. Hard breathing and gasps for air was the sound now coming from Harry. His chest was burning for air, Harry couldn't seem to take in oxygen at all. And the next thing he knew was darkness taking over his body.  
  
Harry looked around, at first he thought he was in some kind of dungeon, but instantly seeing the hooded creatures taking in all his good thoughts, he knew where he was.   
"Azkaban?!" Harry gasped. He looked in the cells, stunned to see... "Sirus? How? No! You can't be in here!"   
"Harry......must.....protect....Harry......" Sirus, who didn't notice Harry at all muttered. "Must...get......out...for....Harry..."  
He's only worried for me! Oh god, Srius! No, Harry thought becoming aware of the facts.  
Harry went to pull out his want to block back the dementors, and then ofund he didn't have it. The next thing he knew he heard Voldemort's cruel laugh that drowned away to make him hear his mother again.  
"Harry, son! I love you so much! Goodbye.." and then Lily Potter's scream could only mean one thing, she was gone. Gone because of Harry!   
My mother, my father, all died for me...I'm to be blamed for their deaths...  
  
"Harry! Son! Harry, wake up!"  
Harry's vision cleared come to see a woman he'd never seen before and another woman.  
"Mrs. Figg?"  
"Harry, it's all right, just lie there. You'll be okay." Mrs. Figg, the lady with many cats who 'baby sitted' Harry when the Dursleys were away reassured him.  
  
Harry was shaky, but got up after a minute or so and looked at Mrs. Figg and the stranger. "Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to worry you. I'm fine, really." Harry lied. He swayed and then lent against the wall to help him balance.  
"I assume you'll want to contact Sirus Black, Harry?" the stranger spoke again. "Maybe Professor Dumbledore?"  
Harry blinked, wondering if he heard correctly or if he was still recovering from waking up. "Excuse me, what did you say?" That was the first time he noticed that the stranger was carrying a wand.  
Harry blinked a few times, and looked at the woman in disbelief.   
The woman smiled kindly. "Harry, maybe you should get your rest. You look terrible. Or is this because of Cedric Diggory." the woman suddenly gave a hatred look. "It's a shame, Cedric was a fine boy, like you. Harry, I know Voldemort's been making you suffer greatly and we will get him back someday. But for now, you can't go thinking about fighting him, and don't feel bad because of Cedric and you parents, at least they don't have to deal with these horrible days."  
Harry couldn't beleive his ears. How'd this woman know him, well that was no question, he was famous! But still.... "Erm.....who are you? How do you know all this?"  
The woman clapped her hand over her forhead, "Oh I am forgetful! Sorry about that, I was just so worried about you! I'm Arabella Figg. And-"  
Harry gasped and realized what he just heard. "Professor Dumbledore told Sirus to find Professor Lupin and you! I didn't realize the name 'Figg' then....But would that mean...." He looked over at Mrs. Figg.  
She smiled at Harry and said calmly, "Arabella is my sister-in-law, no, no, no, I am not a witch! I assure you! If I were then when you came over I'm sure I'd love to do magic around you...but you didn't know then. Oh well."   
Harry never seen thuis side of Mrs. Figg, it was quite funny and nice to have some good mood in the Dursleys house for a change. That's when Harry looked around for the Dursleys. He heard angry chatter from the other room and gave a huge sigh and a downcast at the floor.  
"Don't worry about them." Said Arabella Figg, "me and Mrs. Figg have desided that we should take you to school and we will keep you in my house from today till September 1st."  
"Really? You want me around your house and you don't even know me?"  
"Hey now. Everyone knows you, you're a very brave and powerful wizard. And that makes me safe, doesn't it."  
Harry held his downcast. "You don't know me...you know 'The Boy Who Lived'. That's not me. And even if I were a powerful wizard, which I'm not, I couldn't even use magic because of my age.."He said glumbily. "if anything, I'd cause you more danger, Voldemort's so attracked to me...you'd probably end up dead or injured."  
Arabella Figg sighed, as did Mrs. Figg. They knew Harry was blaming himself for Voldemorts actions. Mrs. Figg spoke up. "Harry, if I were to say I was a witch and offered you to stay at my house, would you...." she waited for reply, but none came, "Harry, it's obvious that you don't like it here. Why don't you come with Arabella, please? Harry, she's a nice woman, I promise things won't turn out half as bad, please?"  
Harry hated being pleaded to. He nodded slowly. His head was still pounding, he was under so much stress. He rubbed his temples hopeing that the pain would just leave.  
Arabella looked at him, "Now what happened before we got here?"  
"My scar burned, that's all. It happened pleanty of times before this summer, so I'm fine, erally, I am." He lied, he didn't want people worrying about him left and right.  
"You blacked out it hurt so bad! Now tell me, please, what really happened?"  
Harry sighed. Why did he have to pass out? "Duddly said I looked like crap, and I remarked him back, he told me I had to do chores, so I headed downstairs. That's when my scar burned. I fell down the stairs, that's why I passed out."  
"Look Harry, we know that that's not the truth, and if you don't want to tell us, you could have said so in the first place. But we would like to know what happened. maybe when you know us better."  
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just...Er...I don't even want to tell my best friends about it." Harry avoided eye contact with the Figgs.  
"It'd be for the best if Dumbledore knew how you've been doing. Sirus too."  
"No. I won't mail them."  
"Well then at least tell me, please. Look, Harry, you can trust me. But if you don't want to tell me untill later, then alright. Have your things packed up. It'll take a while to get there, we have to go the Muggle way. I'm out of floo-power. Okay?"  
Harry nodded, "Alright. Are you just going to leave or are you going to talk to the Dursleys?"  
"I think it'd be best if I talked to them." Arabella answered.  
The three of them walked into the living room t find Mr. Dursley purple as ever and Mrs. Dursley pale. Duddly wasn't there.  
Imidiatly Vernon glared at Harry, with a look that said clearly 'This is your fault, boy!'. And Harry did feel another twinge of guilt. Harry had become 'lifeless' again, he blocked out emotion and just seemed to be there. The shine in his eyes went away and they seemed completely without any life in them.   
"We have agreed-"  
"Dad, they're going to take Harry and keep him for the rest of the summer and bring him to school and everything!" Duddly cut off. He looked pleased with himself for being so rude and having the chance to speak correctly in front of an armed witch.  
The people in the room turned their attention to Duddly.  
"So I guess you spied on us." Harry said in a monotone voice.  
"Hey I can't help it if I overheard you talking!" replied Duddly.  
"Duddums, come over here, away from those people!" Mrs. Dursley called in panic.  
Arabella Figg scoffed, "And she thinks we're weird! 'Duddums'? Ha! this boy's fifteen and you treat him like he's a todler! And you spoil him like a todler too!"  
"Ehem! What Arabella's tring to say is that..you have a very nice son!" Mrs. Figg said about to choke on her own words.  
Though this seemed funny, Harry didn't laugh, but thought about how they knew so much about him and the Dursleys. "Er...Ms. Figg, how do you-"  
"Explainations later! I want to know what all this rubbish is about, bursting in here like that was about!" Roared Mr. Dursley.   
Arabella Figg looked annoyed and angry at the same time, but calmed herslef quikly and said,"Well, as I'm sure you already know, Harry is a very famous boy. And because of last years...incedints dealing with the Triwizard Tournament, the Ministry of Magic thinks it's in the boys safty to have him stay with me for the rest of the summer. I was here with my sister-in-law and we heard Harry's screams. Also my sister's cats, which are not all normal, but some magical, heard his screams and reacted to it. I grabbed my wand and we came here."  
Harry knew the Dursleys were probably more confused now then ever. "Ms. Figgs, sorry to say so, but um...the Dursleys want to keep as seperate from the Wizarding World as possible and don't know anything about the Triwazard Tournament and Voldemort..and probably don't know why I'm famous."  
Arabella gave a shocked face, "They don't know that you were a minute from dieing! Good lord! They don't know about poor Cedric, or Voldemort reviving and- okay... whew! This is going to be hard.. I can't beleive that they don't even know anything about you! Wow, one of the most strongest wizards ever and..." Arabella sighed, "Okay let's try to sort this out. Er...for Harry's best convinance and safty, I'll be letting him stay with me 'till he needs to go to school. In which I'll be providing the ride to Hogwarts Express-er..the train that leads to his school. Send an owl..er if you need to contact me tell Mrs. Figg, she'll owl me."  
"Owl?" Mr. and Mrs. Dursley asked at the same time.  
"Oh never mind! This is too hard!"  
"Yup." Harry agreed. "Do you work for Cornelius Fudge?"  
"Me...with the Minister, no! They just gave me a summer job. And I'll bring you to Hogwarts then teach Defense Against Dark Arts for part of the year...maybe the whole year, I don't know yet."  
"Oh, okay. Er...would you know if you're not going to be teaching there the whole year if Proffesor Lupin will be back or not?"  
"Well, acually I don't know. I'm sorry, Harry."  
"It's not you fault." Harry replied quietly. "But um..nevermind."  
Arabella gave him a look of simpathy and said, "well I better be on my way. Pack up and get your rest, you'll need it for the trip. I always find doing things the Muggle way always takes so much more time. Well see you."  
"Bye," replied Harry.  
"Nice meeting you Mr. Dursley, Mrs. Dursley, Duddly. I'll be here tomarrow with a car. Goodbye." Arabella said poilitly, she waited for a reply.  
After about twenty seconds she heard a grunt that was supposably "bye!" from Mr. Dursley. And with that there was a loud snap sound and she Disappearated. The Dursleys were startled from this use of magic and looked at Mrs. Figg who just stood there.  
"Well, I guess I should be going too. Goodluck, Harry. I trust that you may want to send Ron an owl. I think Dumbledore told Arabella that it was...um either Fred or George Weasly that are going to be the Quidditch Captian. I hope that this school year goes a lot smother than last. Oh! You're probably wondering how I know so much even if I have Arabella for a sister-in-law, I get the Daily Profet ordered durning night because it'd just be strange having owls coming to my house every mourning. Though I've never trusted Rita Sceeter's news."  
"That's good because all she wrote were lies. By the way, has she written anything for the newspaper?"  
"Um no, not really, I wonder if they fired her..." Mrs. Figg said this yet a twinkle in her eyes told him that she already knew somehow...  
Harry smiled at her, said goodbye, and then she too, left. He turned around, knowing he was going to get hollered at. Grimly, with his dulled eyes, he looked at into his 'Uncle's' eyes. They were flashing with furry.  
"If you ever cause this-this magic folks come in here again-"   
"I know, but I didn't lead them in here, I can't help it. I'll go to my room to get out of your sight. And besides, from the way that it sounds, not only the Minister wanted them to check up on me but also Professor Dumbledore. When one person who can put you in Azkaban, the worst place ever, and one man who everyone greatly respects, what do you expect them to do, not listen!? And like I'm a phycic! How could I ever know that my scar was going to burn so terribly that I'd pass out!? Nevermind.." Harry walked away into his room, closed the door, and flung himself onto his bed, thinking. What am I going to do now? Oh well..better pack. So Harry did pack. It was getting dark by the time he had all his things gathered and checked and doublechecked again for things he were missing. Something felt so strange. Like he was missing part of himself that he needed. Sighing, Harry settled himself in his bed, and gazed through the window longingly, as if to find what he wanted... Freedom..?  
Constantly Harry kept looking at his clock, and each time it'd get later and later. Eleven o'clock at night...one in the mourning...four o'clock...When was he going to get sleep? His stomache felt naucious from lack of sleep. He desided to get up and get a drink at six in the mourning. Had he gotten any sleep at all? No. Not even a minute. Yet he felt drowsy.   
He walked out on the summer mourning with a cup of orange juice to see the sun rise. It was beautiful indeed. Harry made the choice to get the Dursleys in a good mood for the last day he'd be there and cut a grape fruit into three peices instead of four and let them each get a little more food for the day. He didn't feel hungry anyway. the Dursleys came down stairs and saw him bringing the mail to Mr. Dursleys chair and told them how he let them each get part of his grapefruit peice. In truth he felt numb. Nothing affected him, no worse, no better. Life was...evenly boring. But he also felt guilty, and something had been nagging him the whole night, he still couldn't think of what it was.  
It was accually frightening to look Harry in the eye, for his eyes were completely empty, his soul wasn't light, and it shown in those openings to the spirit. So dull...so compleatly oblivious to much anything...  
  
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So what's wrong with our bud, Harry now? I know I know! but I'm not going to tell you! Did you like, did you hate, or do you say sorta? Lemme know if I made any mistakes! and lemme know what parts you liked! Alright, bye for now! 


	2. The Trip

Hey Everyone, okay my Internet provider isn't working and will not work for a month, till then I'll be typing away on this and other stories.  
Dsiclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter  
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Chapter Two: The Guilt Trip  
  
  
All day long Harry didn't take notice in television, the Dursleys, any wizard things, food, or anything. He just sat there on his bed staring at Hedwig, who was looking nervous, for an owl, to be stared at for so long. Sighing, he thought about Cedric. Had Harry accually been the reason why he Cedric was killed? Harry knew only too well that the answer was yes. Of course he was, he had told Cedric to grab on the Triwizard Cup at the same time as him. He should've thought about what Sirus had tried to warn him about! He should've thought of Voldemort's cababillities! Now what, what was going to happen now that Harry let the rebirth of Voldemort happen? He was such a coward to not and try and stop Voldemort!   
Becuase of what, because of a simple spider bite!  
  
Harry felt like breaking down into tears. But he'd never do that, he'd never give Voldemort the pleasure of knowing that he had won. Even if Voldemort wasn't there, he had always a way of knowing what was happening to Harry....What? Harry thought, he just thought that Voldemort had won. That Voldemort was going to kill everything...him, Sirus, Hermione, Ron, Hagrid, Dumbledore... Dumbledore was the reason why Harry had been able to fight Voldemort for the four years. Harry had respected Dumbledore more than anyone. Dumbledore was, in a way, like another father. He had two fathers, Dumbledore and Sirus. Dumbledore even protected Sirus. He was a great man, and Harry knew why Hagrid would always want to kill anyone who mocked Dumbledore...  
  
Harry just sat there, thinking of the ways his life had been changed for the better when Dumbledore had affected it, and how his life had changed for worse because of Voldemort. Then he thought of how he acted towards his friends. Did they look up to him because he was the boy who lived, he was the wizard that fought of Voldemort, or did they think of him as their equal. Harry wished they would think him as their equal, but he knew they had looked up to them. But no. No, he wasn't the one fighting off Voldemort all these years, he was protected by his mother's sacrifice, Dumbledore and Hogwarts, and had learned everything from his professors. Indeed he didn't deserve credit. Snape, even Snape deserved much more credit. Snape had always disaplined Harry, had taught him potions, some defence against dark arts just from being around Harry. This was all true.  
  
  
Harry still in thought, hadn't heard the doorbell ring. Uncle Vernon started yelling at him to "get leaving now". Harry slowly got up, went down stairs to greet Arabella Figg, and told her that he just would be a few minutes getting his trunk.  
  
"No, no, don't worry, I'll levitate it and we can get out of here much faster, it's going to take a while on the trip, might as well start off with a good start," she said chearfully.  
  
Leading the way to his room, Harry pointed to the trunk and grabbed Hedwig's cage. Arabella made the trunk float hauntingly, and they headed down the stairs.  
  
"Well," she bagan, "we'll be leaving." She waved her free hand and said goodbye.  
  
"Bye," Harry also said, half not expecting a reply.  
  
But the Dursleys who, do to the Ton Tounge accident, had made a short, sharp reply and did not see them off. Arabella and Harry got into the car. Harry felt eghausted and leant his head on the back of the car. Arabella seemed feeled with spirit, nevertheless, she noticed Harry's weariness and told him he could sleep if he wanted to. But Harry felt, in a way, uncomfortable being with the stranger. He did trust her and all, he just didn't know her. He couldn't sleep and his stomache felt even worse in the car. Hours passed and Arabella had tried several times to start a conversation, but hadn't succeded.  
  
"Er..so, you eager to get back to Hogwarts?"   
  
"Hm..yeah, I guess so, it's better than being with the Dursleys," Harry answered shortly. He felt bad that he knew that Arabella thought that he didn't trust her, so he finally said, "Er..about yesterday...to tell you the truth about what happened..." and Harry had told her about everything, the scar burning horribly, the vision, and Sirus.  
  
Arabella stayed quiet, suprised from Harry's story, "Well, that's...different. In dreams, you wouldn't think dementors could affect you."  
  
Harry nodded, not sure she saw him of not. Tensity filled the car and Harry shifted uncomfortably.   
  
  
"Sirus is fine, I've been in contact with him lately so there's no reason to worry. Beleive me." Arabella reassured.  
  
"Really? That's good...When I had visions before, they really happened…Always. I'm glad Sirus is doing alright," replied Harry.  
  
Minutes after minutes passed without conversation. Arabella was obvious not to like the quietness. "Um...you want to listen to the radio?" she asked.  
  
Harry gave no respounce. Arabella looked at him and chuckled to herself, Harry had fallen asleep. She put on some elegant music anyway.   
  
  
  
Images danced through Harry's mind as an uneasy sleep crept up on him. As if on replay, he saw his parents' death over and over again, getting worse every time. Becoming more vivid every second. He saw Cedric's death like it was happening again, so real, so perfectly detailed. He saw Voldemort's imp body, the scaley red body, then, the rebirth of Voldemort. Exact pictures of horrible events repeated themselves. Wormtail giving his arm for Voldemort, then stabbing Harry with the daggar, Voldemort's touch that burned Harry's scar and that didn't affect Voldemort. Then slowly, as if to make sure Harry saw everything, he saw a familar flash of green light, and then saw Hagrid's body fall limply to the ground. A howl entered his ears and we watched Lupin, as a werewolf, attack his own friend, Sirius Black. Sirius growled and clawed Lupin in the face. Sirius then ran off, Harry followed behind him, and they met up with Voldemort. Death Eaters srrounded them and several of them were holding hostages. Ron, Hermione, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Fred, George, Ginny, and…Cho...how'd Volemort know about Cho...? But then, a more disturbing thing caught Harry's eye..  
  
"Dumbledore!" Harry shouted.   
  
Dumbledore was holding his wand, blood soaking his silver beard, glaring at Voldemort, but when he heard Harry's yell, he turned around. And that was when the words "Avada Kedavra" slithered through all sounds and Dumbledore's look of shock into Harry's eyes, then he fell face down...dead.  
  
As Harry screamed in furry, disbelief, and sorrow, his voice, or any at all sound for that manor, couldn't be heard suddenly. A blinding light flashed and then he found himself facing Voldemort, wandless, and in Azkaban.  
  
"See my young twin, see what you've caused? It was because of you that you're parents died, they sacrificed everything just for your life. Black will die soon if you don't come to me. I will have Lupin kill him, and he will follow. You caused Diggory's death, you told him to grab onto the trophy at the same time as you. If you would just be tougher sometimes, you'd probably make your friends more at peace, they're stressed because of you, having to worry about poor Potter's safty every minute of their life. It's truth, you are the reason why life is painful for so many people. Dumbledore having to use his summers and school days just to plan more safty barriors for you!"   
  
Then the scene blurred away only replaced by...  
  
"God, no, Sirius!" Harry ran to the cell which held Sirius captive.  
  
In the cold wind Harry heard a harsh wisper, "See the terror your pitiful life has caused, it is your fault. Shouldn't you die to pay them back...."  
  
  
  
Arabella Figg watched Harry sleep, he seemed peaceful and in deeps sleep. They had finally arrived at her place. Suddenly Harry screamed "NO!" and quietly said "god no....." Worried for the boy she immidiatly went to her fireplace.  
  
She threw in a power and said "Albus Dumbledore..." and waited.  
  
Sure enough, Albus's face shown in the fire within seconds. He smiled, eye's twinkling, unaware of Harry's condition. But then, seeing Arabella's expression, a frown crept over his features as well. "What's wong, Arabella?" He's voice filled with concern.  
  
"It's…Harry. When I was there yesterday, his scar had burnt, making him black out, and he told me what had happened... Albus, I'm very concerned…" she answered, biting her lip. "He was sleeping just now and he suddenly screamed 'no', then said 'god no…' in a whisper… We need to help the poor boy, and I don't know what to do…"  
  
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~~~*Reveiw Mention*~~~  
  
Nicky: Thanks, there's more, and you can expect more sooner now!  
  
Lyn: Sorry it took so long!!!!! Thanks!  
  
Heather: I know I am! hehe just kidding, oh I'm glad matt helped you out, boy was that a long time ago!!  
  
Scratches: You made a really, long review? ah! It's not really there! Grr at ff.net, but thanks!!!  
  
Relle: Yeah, sorry about the mistakes! Aww thanks!!! You'll eventually see what's wrong with Harry. I POSTED!! YAY!!  
  
Deity: Thanks! I didn't update really quick, did I, sorry!  
  
Sasina: Thanks! Haha, glad I confused you, I wanted to do that! But you'll eventually get what's up with harry!   
  
THANKS REVEIWERS!!!!!!!  
  
You like? Sorry it took so long… I pretty much had it all written and forgot to post, SORRY!!!! Please review! Thanks! I know I should have made it longer.. But it's been forever since I posted last.  
  
Sending my love out with a wink,  
^_~,  
Wink At J00  
~Steph 


	3. sorry AN: read

This is an apology for taking so freaking long that it's not even funny. I haven't been working on any of my chapters to any fics, or making any new ones. I got into poetry and making an online diary so I can leak my feelings out. Writing does help me leak my feelings out, but it's different when you use a character and not your own. I'm wanting to make a novel... With origional characters. I've kinda made up a story line in my head and a few characters. Not sure if I will post it or not. I prolly will. I kinda sunk into a bad case of depression. And side-effects of depression include losing intrest in things you use to like. I sorta couldn't read fanfics or write them, and well I'm trying to make myself better. So I'm going to write...for you guys. Cause your reveiws make me feel better. As for being depressed, well ::shrugs:: can't do much but complain. And when I complain, I turn into a virus and make everyone else upset. So ::shrugs:: I'll live. And one of my friends (besnaped) has been missing, and the one fic "Truth of Pain" was written while I was talking to her and all, so until I talk to her again, I'm not writing that. I know you guys are mad at me for never updating, but here's how I got so far:  
  
To Begin: three paragraphs and first AN are done. It won't be done for a while. So sorry! I really am!  
  
Last Ounce of Pain...Gone: three paragraphs too.  
  
Harry Potter and the Struggle of Darkness: what the hell, I can't even remember this fic.. Ah shit, I'm screwed, aren't I? ::goes and reads end of what I wrote:: ooh it's this one! Yeah, this is probably the one I have in my head what's going to happen the most, but I haven't started on it, so I'm sorry!  
  
Unexpected Changes: nothing because everything I was working on got deleted at some point.  
  
Harry Potter and the Forgotten Souls: I doubt I'll continue this. I don't know what I was thinking when I began it. Well actually I know what I had in mind, but it never came out the way I wanted it to.   
Guys, I'm really sorry about this. My brother at one point was deleting things and deleted *everything* one the computer. So that was a huge downfall. Well this is all I can do. Bye bye now  
  
Love and Luck  
~Steph 


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